I’ve come to realize what a luxury it is to reconnect with my creativity. I know not everyone has the opportunity to do this, especially if they have a full-time job and are providing for a family. For me, my mind was constantly preoccupied with work responsibilities, with anxieties from what I still needed to do and how to perform, coupled with dividing time for chores around the home, time spent with my partner, for family commitments, and for myself. No matter who you are, sometimes the day will always be too short. If I wanted to really live a full life with creativity, I had to intentionally carve out time for it.
Like a lot of jobs out there, my job was paying the bills but failed to fulfill me. And isn’t that a familiar story? As soon as my eyes opened and my feet hit the floor, my mind was filled with ideas I had if I truly lived life just for me, but instead I had to fire up my work laptop and deliver results for something I failed to truly care about. I felt like I was wasting time, living as a corporate drone for decades now, and I couldn’t see myself doing this until retirement. The prospect filled me with misery and regret and now that I am approaching my late thirties and have been in the corporate world for almost two decades now, I knew something had to change and I had to act while I still could.
Removing Fear and Welcoming Flow
So I bit the bullet. I resigned from my job. As soon as I did, the creativity came easily. My writing just flowed. My ideas were endless, and my imagination was the most lively it has ever been in years. I realized that a lot of my mental capacity was devoted to making more money for the shareholders of every company that I ever worked at.
Why did I wait so long to allow myself this change?
The answer of course, was fear. Fear of leaving the security of a stable job. Fear of relying on “the arts” and “creativity” to make ends meet. The voices of doubt, heavy with judgement and disappointment, were loud. They came from my parents, friends talking about the artist lifestyle, society’s definitions of success.
After years of ignoring these signs from within me, these creative impulses, and sometimes even voices, I finally realized that no one can define success but me. No one can live my life but me. So I made the choice for ME. Just ME.
Not because society told me this is what successful people should do. Not because this is the fastest path to get money and be in an “esteemed status” among peers. What a load of crock that programming is anyway.
So yes, this might be the most incredibly selfish thing I’ve ever done and I mean selfish in the best possible way. It is freeing to finally do this, and it makes me wonder how many people with incredible talents never pursue their dreams because of the narratives they’ve been told as children.
When I resigned from my job, creating came easily. I didn’t have to divide my time to think about spreadsheets and metrics. And to be a little dramatic and use a metaphor here, my life previously felt like a movie playing in black and white. As soon as I said “I quit” to the kind of life that failed to cultivate my soul, the colors flowed back, easily. As if they’ve just been waiting for me to stop blocking my own self from this happiness.
Balancing With Practicality and Planning
Practicality still plays a vital role of course. Nobody romanticizes the starving artist trope anymore. Art and creativity suffer when basic needs aren’t met, and the reality is, we need the financial stability to support our passions. It’s impossible to create your best work (or even some kind of creative work) while battling hunger or desperation.
That’s why I didn’t just quit willy-nilly. Of course I’ve been devising a plan for years, but I just didn’t know when I was going to do it. I was inadvertently making an exit plan so I could pursue a dream eventually. To ensure I’d have a roof over my head, that I still had warm meals, and the security still of knowing the lights would stay on. Reconnecting with my creativity meant creating a foundation where I felt safe and supported. That means having the ability to give The Man the finger with the semblance of a back up plan. That means not alienating your support system, like your family and friends for the decision you’re making. We all have to make it easy on ourselves as much as we can. Only then can we truly devote our full bandwidth to the work we want to pursue.
Embracing Joy and Curiosity
Creativity itself is a joyful pursuit, for me, it’s a practice of curiosity and wonder. It’s about asking, “What if I try this? What If I mix these ideas? Oh, what’s that?” and about giving myself permission to explore without judgment. Throughout my life I realize that I’ve been experimenting with things I never imagined: with writing, with dabbling in watercolors, with eagerly volunteering to bake desserts for potlucks.
The process itself becomes the reward. Every time I approach a new project with curiosity, the day is inspired, and I feel more alive. I feel grateful to have the chance and the time to do this more now. I feel appreciative of the mind that allows these words to flow, the fingers that allow me to write, the life experiences that allow me to create something in a particular way, using particular things, feeling particular emotions.
It’s not about achieving perfection or any kind of result anymore. It’s about finding joy in my act of creation. Even when something doesn’t turn out as planned, it’s still fulfilling for me to have brought it into existence. Each creation is a small step towards allowing my true self to come out.
Inviting Community and Connection
One of the most unexpected joys of this journey has been the sense of community I’ve found along the way. When I opened up about my creative pursuits – like my decision to study pastry in Paris this year – people responded with encouragement and shared their own dreams. It felt as though giving myself permission to live with authenticity also inspired others to reflect on their own passions.
Creativity thrives in connection. Sharing stories, collaborating on projects, and exchanging the novel, the weird, the interesting ideas with others have expanded my world in ways I didn’t anticipate.
Reconnecting with my creativity has been a transformative experience, filled with challenges of course, but also immense growth. It’s a reminder to me that life is meant to be lived fully and richly – with purpose, passion, and fulfillment. This path may not be the easiest, and it may not be for everyone, but right now, it’s the one that feels the truest to who I am.
The Wren's Journey 