Tag: writing

  • My Journey in Pastry School: Week 2, Getting To Know Me, Getting To Know Choux <3

    My Journey in Pastry School: Week 2, Getting To Know Me, Getting To Know Choux <3

    I’ve fallen a little behind in updating this blog — these first couple of weeks have been a whirlwind! Our days are now filled with six hours of kitchen time, and it’s been an adjustment, both physically and mentally.

    As I sit down to write about week two (while already in week four!) I realize I’ve grown accustomed to the unique exhaustion that comes from standing and learning lessons all day, squeezing in a quick lunch, and then heading straight into another class. But honestly, the learning is immense, and time has never felt so slow and fast at the same time. When I’m in the flow of learning something new and incorporating that into my own work, moving from one task to the next just feels like you’re completely present and energized.

    Anyway, I said I was going to write about Week 2, so on to that, which is choux, choux choux!

    Standard Choux Recipe:

    • Water: 125 g
    • Milk: 125 g
    • Butter (cubed): 100 g
    • Salt: 5 g
    • Sugar: 5 g
    • Flour: 150 g
    • Eggs: 250 g

    Method:

    1. In a saucepan, combine milk, water, butter, salt, and sugar. Let simmer.
    2. Once the mixture reaches a boil, remove from heat and add the flour all at once. Mix well with a heat-safe rubber spatula until fully incorporated. This mixture is called the panade.
    3. Return the panade to the heat and stir continuously to cook out excess moisture. The dough should pull away from the sides and form a cohesive mass.
    4. Transfer to a bowl and let cool slightly. Gradually add the eggs, a little at a time, mixing thoroughly after each addition. Stop adding eggs once the dough reaches the right consistency (more on that below).
    5. Transfer to a piping bag and pipe into desired shapes.
    6. Brush with egg wash or melted butter and bake at 180°C (350°F) for 20–30 minutes, depending on size. Check for doneness.
    Regular sized choux on the top tray brushed with butter and topped with nuts or dusted with icing sugar. Chouquettes brushed with egg wash and rolled in sugar on the bottom tray.

    Lessons From a Week of Choux

    I’ve attempted choux pastry before, very unsuccessfully, I might add, mostly because I didn’t understand just how dry the panade needed to be and how to be able to tell the batter consistency was just right. Practicing it every day for a week changed everything though! Here are some key lesson I learned that helped make my choux dough much better:

    1. Drying the Panade

    Cooking the flour over heat eliminates excess moisture in the dough. You’ll know it’s ready when it forms one smooth ball that doesn’t stick to the sides of the pan when you shake it. If the dough holds too much humidity, your choux won’t puff properly—it’ll stay flat instead of getting that signature hollow structure.

    2. Incorporating the Eggs

    Adding eggs back into the dough rehydrates it, but it’s crucial to go slowly. Eggs should be added in thirds, or even little by little, constantly checking the consistency. Our pastry instructor taught us three ways to tell when the dough is just right:

    • Ruban – The dough should have a smooth, ribbon-like consistency, similar to macaron batter. If it’s too stiff, it needs more egg.
    • Bec – When you lift the spatula or paddle attachment, the dough should form a “beak” at the tip.
    • Sillon – In French, sillon means the furrow left by a plow. Drag a spatula through the dough—if the line holds its shape before slowly folding in on itself, it’s ready. If it’s too stiff, it needs more egg; if it collapses immediately, it has too much.

    3. Venting the Steam

    This was new to me! Choux pastry creates a lot of humidity in the oven, which can prevent it from crisping up. To fix this, crack the oven door slightly (with a wooden spoon) 5 to 10 minutes into baking. This helps release excess moisture, resulting in a crispier shell.

    Getting ready for assembly of the little nuns, aka religieuse.

    With the same choux recipe, we created an array of pastries for the week.

    Filled with chantilly cream. Cross section inspected to make sure pastries were properly filled, as quality patisseries should be doing.
    Eclairs dipped in chocolate glaze and filled with chocolate pastry cream.
    Religieuse topped with a craquelin, filled with coffee pastry cream, dipped in coffee ganache, and then piped with creme au beurre.
    Classic Paris-Brest is the Best. Drizzled generously with praline and piped with hazelnut mousseline.

    Making choux in different forms for this week definitely felt like I unlocked a new level of achievement in the kitchen. We ended our pastry adventures that week with this excellent view:

    Apparently the best view of Paris is from Montparnasse Tower. That is because you can’t see… well, Montparnasse Tower. (There’s some French sense of humor for you).

    Til next post!

    Renee

  • My Journey in Pastry School: Week One

    My Journey in Pastry School: Week One

    This past week has been a whirlwind, and I’ve been trying to find little pockets of time to stay connected with my loved ones, study more French, and prepare my meals. Mornings revolve around calculating how much time I have left to down my coffee before I need to leave for school. The walk takes about 30 minutes, though I could probably cut that in half if I took the train. But I choose to walk – it’s my time to breathe in the crisp morning air and observe Parisianson their morning commute. Since I live in a non-touristy area, people assume I’m French, or at least fluent, which constantly feels like you’re playing an undercover spy game. 

    A Magical Start

    School has been both incredible and intense. I’ve never started something where, as they announced the curriculum on the first day, I got genuinely excited. Not ‘oh okay, I can do this,’ but ‘Yes! I want to learn that! And that! And that too!’ This must be my version of Harry Potter going to Hogwarts – except instead of magic, I get to nerd out about the art of pastry. 

    When asked about how to not gain weight when studying pastry, the pastry professor said, “Tasting is two or three bites. Anything more is classified as eating.”

    What We Did in Week One

    • Getting our uniforms and lockers – Every morning, we change into our jackets, pants, and steel-toed kitchen clogs. As long as we’re roaming around in school, we need to be in uniform. Once we enter the labs, we have to add in hairnets, pastry hats, and aprons to keep everything clean. The transformation is real because once I wear that jacket, I feel like a pastry chef (even though I know little as of now).   
    • Receiving our toolkits – And what a beauty she is! Opening it felt like Christmas morning. This toolkit contained everything we would need for school, all kinds of rubber and palette spatulas, knives, whisks, tasting spoons, cutter rings, digital scales etc. We learned how to sanitize and store our tools properly. 
    She is lovely.
    • Learning the rules – From how to greet and show respect to our chefs, to what’s allowed (and not allowed) in school, this was our crash course in pastry school etiquette. 
    • Touring the campus and labs – We were shown where we’d be working, where the library was (yes, a library, the nerd in me internally shouts), little rec rooms to hang out in, bathrooms, courtyard where most of the French students smoke and hang out.
    • Diving into hygiene and safety – This was definitely an emphasis as we would be preparing food. Hygiene and cleanliness is king when handling food. If I’m going to be honest, the first quarter of our day would be spent cleaning our tools and the whole area itself. 
    • Discussing the curriculum – This was when it really hit me – we’re going to learn so damn much. From the classic techniques to our final creativity project, everything seemed challenging but exciting. Oh yes, we also go on a lot of field trips!
    Going to a chocolate store with the whole class… for research…
    • Discovering Lunches at the Cafeteria – As expected from one of France’s top culinary schools, even the cafeteria sets a high bar. 
    • Making Friends – of course, I don’t think I will survive this time living by myself if I didn’t already feel like I have a great group of people to spend this time with. The energy in our international patisserie program is friendly, eager, and collaborative – pretty much like an episode of The Great British Bakeoff. Just yesterday we stayed past 7:30 PM, exhausted and hungry, commiserating and laughing together before heading home. 

    Adjusting to a New Life

    Back home, life was stable. I worked remotely at a cushy desk job, I spoke the language, knew how everything functioned – from grocery stores to the DMV. But moving to another country, even temporarily… that’s an entirely new rulebook.

    This has been easily the longest week I’ve had in a while, simply because I’m constantly learning – even in the smallest things. How to take out the trash, use self-checkout, or turn my phone into a train pass. Nothing is on autopilot yet. 

    How I Spend My Free Time

    When I’m not in school, I’ve been trying to:

    • Make my space feel like home – I’ve picked up a few things to make my rental cozier, rearranged some furniture, and taped photos of my loved ones to the wall. Every time I pass by, I smile, knowing they’re cheering me on in my journey. 
    Home for the next few months.
    • Find green spaces – Coming from the West Coast in the US, where we’re spoiled with open skies, sunshine, and swaths of greenery, Paris in February feels a bit dreary – concrete buildings (the most beautiful architecture, yes, but still slabs of gray), and rain. Luckily I’m sandwiched between two beautiful parks. This Sunday I spent time in one of them getting to know some of the local wildlife. 
    This fella was getting fed by the locals.
    • Cook more meals – as much as I’d love to eat at a different trendy cafe every night, reality (and my student budget) say otherwise. Plus, between rich cafeteria food and all the pastry tasting, I’d rather not fast track myself to sickness. Dining out feels more special when it’s social, so I’ve reserved it for weekends with classmates. The best part? I don’t feel FOMO because I know I have months to experience a lot of what Paris has to offer. 
    My latest masterpiece, tomato soup with grilled cheese. And toast and jam on the side LOL.
    • Stay in touch with loved ones – calls, video chats, texts – whatever it takes to stay connected. 

    A Tired, Happy Heart

    By the end of each day, I’m exhausted and desire nothing more but to put my feet up on the couch. But it’s a good kind of tired – the kind that comes from learning, growing, and feeling like I’m fully experiencing life. I feel younger, more rejuvenated, and eager for whatever pastry school, and life, will throw me next. 

    Til next update!

  • Breaking Free from the Corporate Grind to Create

    Breaking Free from the Corporate Grind to Create

    I’ve come to realize what a luxury it is to reconnect with my creativity. I know not everyone has the opportunity to do this, especially if they have a full-time job and are providing for a family. For me, my mind was constantly preoccupied with work responsibilities, with anxieties from what I still needed to do and how to perform, coupled with dividing time for chores around the home, time spent with my partner, for family commitments, and for myself. No matter who you are, sometimes the day will always be too short. If I wanted to really live a full life with creativity, I had to intentionally carve out time for it. 

    Like a lot of jobs out there, my job was paying the bills but failed to fulfill me. And isn’t that a familiar story? As soon as my eyes opened and my feet hit the floor, my mind was filled with ideas I had if I truly lived life just for me, but instead I had to fire up my work laptop and deliver results for something I failed to truly care about. I felt like I was wasting time, living as a corporate drone for decades now, and I couldn’t see myself doing this until retirement. The prospect filled me with misery and regret and now that I am approaching my late thirties and have been in the corporate world for almost two decades now, I knew something had to change and I had to act while I still could. 

    Removing Fear and Welcoming Flow

    So I bit the bullet. I resigned from my job. As soon as I did, the creativity came easily. My writing just flowed. My ideas were endless, and my imagination was the most lively it has ever been in years.  I realized that a lot of my mental capacity was devoted to making more money for the shareholders of every company that I ever worked at. 

    Why did I wait so long to allow myself this change?

     The answer of course, was fear. Fear of leaving the security of a stable job. Fear of relying on “the arts” and “creativity” to make ends meet. The voices of doubt, heavy with judgement and disappointment, were loud. They came from my parents, friends talking about the artist lifestyle, society’s definitions of success. 

    After years of ignoring these signs from within me, these creative impulses, and sometimes even voices, I finally realized that no one can define success but me. No one can live my life but me. So I made the choice for ME. Just ME. 

    Not because society told me this is what successful people should do. Not because this is the fastest path to get money and be in an “esteemed status” among peers. What a load of crock that programming is anyway. 

    So yes, this might be the most incredibly selfish thing I’ve ever done and I mean selfish in the best possible way. It is freeing to finally do this, and it makes me wonder how many people with incredible talents never pursue their dreams because of the narratives they’ve been told as children. 

    When I resigned from my job, creating came easily. I didn’t have to divide my time to think about spreadsheets and metrics. And to be a little dramatic and use a metaphor here, my life previously felt like a movie playing in black and white. As soon as I said “I quit” to the kind of life that failed to cultivate my soul, the colors flowed back, easily. As if they’ve just been waiting for me to stop blocking my own self from this happiness. 

    One of my first watercolors when I started studying flowers.

    Balancing With Practicality and Planning

    Practicality still plays a vital role of course. Nobody romanticizes the starving artist trope anymore. Art and creativity suffer when basic needs aren’t met, and the reality is, we need the financial stability to support our passions. It’s impossible to create your best work (or even some kind of creative work) while battling hunger or desperation. 

    That’s why I didn’t just quit willy-nilly. Of course I’ve been devising a plan for years, but I just didn’t know when I was going to do it. I was inadvertently making an exit plan so I could pursue a dream eventually. To ensure I’d have a roof over my head, that I still had warm meals, and the security still of knowing the lights would stay on. Reconnecting with my creativity meant creating a foundation where I felt safe and supported. That means having the ability to give The Man the finger with the semblance of a back up plan. That means not alienating your support system, like your family and friends for the decision you’re making. We all have to make it easy on ourselves as much as we can. Only then can we truly devote our full bandwidth to the work we want to pursue. 

    Embracing Joy and Curiosity

    Creativity itself is a joyful pursuit, for me, it’s a practice of curiosity and wonder. It’s about asking, “What if I try this? What If I mix these ideas? Oh, what’s that?” and about giving myself permission to explore without judgment. Throughout my life I realize that I’ve been experimenting with things I never imagined: with writing, with dabbling in watercolors, with eagerly volunteering to bake desserts for potlucks. 

    One of my favorite recipes to bring to a summer barbecue, a pavlova.

    The process itself becomes the reward. Every time I approach a new project with curiosity, the day is inspired, and I feel more alive. I feel grateful to have the chance  and the time to do this more now. I feel appreciative of the mind that allows these words to flow, the fingers that allow me to write, the life experiences that allow me to create something in a particular way, using particular things, feeling particular emotions. 

    It’s not about achieving perfection or any kind of result anymore. It’s about finding joy in my act of creation. Even when something doesn’t turn out as planned, it’s still fulfilling for me to have brought it into existence. Each creation is a small step towards allowing my true self to come out.  

    Inviting Community and Connection

    One of the most unexpected joys of this journey has been the sense of community I’ve found along the way. When I opened up about my creative pursuits – like my decision to study pastry in Paris this year – people responded with encouragement and shared their own dreams. It felt as though giving myself permission to live with authenticity also inspired others to reflect on their own passions. 

    Creativity thrives in connection. Sharing stories, collaborating on projects, and exchanging the novel, the weird, the interesting ideas with others have expanded my world in ways I didn’t anticipate. 

    Reconnecting with my creativity has been a transformative experience, filled with challenges of course, but also immense growth. It’s a reminder to me that life is meant to be lived fully and richly – with purpose, passion, and fulfillment. This path may not be the easiest, and it may not be for everyone, but right now, it’s the one that feels the truest to who I am.

  • Saying Yes to Myself: How I’m Transforming Fear Into a Flour-Filled Adventure

    Saying Yes to Myself: How I’m Transforming Fear Into a Flour-Filled Adventure

    Have you ever felt a little nudge deep inside—more like a pang of longing? Or maybe the weight of dreading every Monday morning, knowing that a deeply unsatisfying corporate job awaits? That was me for years. I’d hear the occasional whisper in my head suggesting it was time to shake things up, to make a change. But I ignored it. Stability, security, and doing what was expected seemed more important. I had responsibilities to others, and chasing a dream? That was for whimsical, artsy types or people born with a silver spoon, right?

    Yet here I am, writing this from a place where I’ve said yes to that whisper. If you’ve been wondering whether it’s time to pursue your passion—whether part-time, or full-time if you’re ready—here are some signs I experienced and how I finally recognized it was time to follow mine.

    1. I Felt Stuck and Unfulfilled

    For me, it started as a vague sense of dissatisfaction. I had a good job in tech—a role many people would envy. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that life was passing me by, one monotonous workday at a time. Every day felt like running on a treadmill: I was moving, but I wasn’t going anywhere that mattered.

    It wasn’t just work. That sense of “stuckness” seeped into other areas of my life, even though I had so many good things around me. It was like I was surrounded by abundance, yet something crucial was missing. I craved something creative, meaningful, and deeply aligned with who I truly am.

    Did I find joy and purpose in what I was doing, or was I just going through the motions?

    2. I Can’t Stop Thinking About My Passion 

    For me, baking was always an escape. I remember being in my early 20’s, looking forward to Saturdays when I could experiment with desserts. I’d lose hours perfecting recipes, and the process felt magical. Baking wasn’t just a task; it was a sensory delight—the smell of butter and sugar, the joy of watching batter transform in the oven, the pride of creating something from scratch.

    Even when I wasn’t baking, I was watching videos, scrolling through recipes, or imagining what it would be like to run my own little café. I pictured experimenting with flavors, designing a cozy space, and creating pastries that brought people joy. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn’t just a hobby—it was calling me.

    What activity made me lose track of time? Be in the flow? What brought me genuine joy, even when it was challenging at times?

    Cinnamon rolls are one of my favorite things to bake. Probably because the rolls are a vehicle for all that yummy cream cheese frosting.

    3. I Kept Getting Signs from the Universe 

    Sometimes the universe doesn’t just whisper; it nudges. My nudge came when I was laid off from my tech job. It was a moment of upheaval, however, I saw it as the universe making space to welcome something better in my life. There have been multiple times like these in my life, when I’ve lost a relationship, a job, or a current situation I was too comfortable in. And at that time, the loss felt huge, but ultimately it became an opportunity for me to reassess my priorities, and to welcome something better.

    The signs didn’t stop there: there were compliments from friends about my baking, articles about people pursuing their dreams (maybe, if you’re reading this, consider it your sign!), a book about a woman’s journey in the culinary world, youtube recommendations about bakeries… and that unshakable urge to do something bold.

    Once I decided to entertain the idea, I felt this growing sense of excitement—a joy I hadn’t felt in years. It was a world of difference when I only had my tech job to look forward to day to day.

    From then on, it was as if the universe was slowly smoothing my path so I could walk through, it was opening doors for me so I could have the momentum I needed to pursue this new adventure.

    What were the patterns or coincidences in my life pointing me toward a new direction? Was I recognizing them when they came?

    4. I Realize Life is Too Short to Wait

    My turning point was a moment of clarity: one morning, I woke up and realized I’d been holding myself back. It was all that fear stopping me from making big moves. Moves that would bring me joy and fulfillment. There was fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointing your loved ones…

    I realized that I am not getting any younger. I’m at a point where I feel pain in my knees when I run. Where I feel disconnected from all that Gen Z slang. I saw myself in the future, lamenting at the end of my life that I wish I could have done all of the things I dreamt to do when I was a more agile, more energetic woman in my 30’s.

    The fear never leaves, but it does get quieter because something else grows louder in my head. Ideas, visions of the future if I were successful, having fun pursuing my dream.

    There never was going to be a perfect time. I could have kept postponing this but I didn’t want to anymore. The “perfect time” in my fear-addled brain may mean waiting forever.

    Did I feel ready in a day after making up my mind? Oh no. It took took months of research, planning, and even then there were days that self-doubt would come and try to convince me to stay in my comfort zone.

    But it was tiny little steps at first, from researching pastry schools, to looking at where to live, to now getting my student visa for France…

    Those small steps snowballed into the adventure I’m on now, heading to Paris to study pastry arts.

    On my deathbed, which would I regret more? Trying and failing, or never trying at all?

    5. I’m Finally Ready to Say Yes to Myself

    One of the hardest parts of pursuing a passion is giving myself permission to do it. For years, I’ve cajoled myself into thinking that my dream was frivolous, impractical, even selfish. But eventually, I realized that living authentically and pursuing what lights me up isn’t selfish- it’s necessary.

    What’s more, taking the steps to run after this dream has made me be a better person. I’m noticing that I’m more joyful, more loving, more present, and more accepting–not just of me but of others around me too.

    I’m realizing as I go through this journey that manifesting a dream means constantly saying “yes” to yourself, over and over again. It involves the universe constantly asking you “Do you still want to do this?”

    “”Research pastry schools?” YES. “Pay this application fee?” YES.
    “Schedule an interview with the school?” YES. “Apply for a student visa?” YES. “Look for places to live in?” YES. “Tell your family you’re taking this up?” YES. “Tell your manager you’re quitting in a couple of weeks ?” YES.

    Over and over again, the universe asks me, and it’s still asking me everyday if I still want to do this. I persist and say YES each time. Most of the time I am confident and it’s a resounding YES. Sometimes, I go through days of fear and anxiety, and question whether I’m crazy. It helps to realize that this is quite normal for anyone to go through. I still say YES.


    Am I ready to prioritize my happiness and take a leap of faith?

    Yes.